The Rules from a man’s point of view…
Ok… in the interest of fairness, and I do try to be fair most days. This is a list of “rules” from a man’s point of view… we always hear “The Rules” from the female side. Now here are the rules from the male side. These are THE rules! Please note… these are all numbered “1” ON PURPOSE!
1. Learn to work the toilet seat, it’s really not difficult. You’re a big girl now. If it’s up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don’t hear us complaining about you leaving it down.
1. Birthdays, Valentines, and Anniversaries are not quests to see if we can find the perfect present every time!
1. Sometimes we are not actually thinking about you. Live with it.
1. Sunday = sports. It’s like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.
1. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that way.
1. Crying is blackmail.
1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it!
1. We just don’t remember dates. Mark birthdays and anniversaries on the calendar. Remind us frequently beforehand.
1. Most guys own three pairs of shoes – tops. What makes you think we’d be any good at choosing which pair, out of thirty, would look good with your dress?
1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That’s what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.
1. A headache that last for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.
1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument today. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days.
1. If you won’t dress like the Victoria’s Secret girls, don’t expect us to act like soap opera guys.
1. If you think you’re fat, you probably are. So don’t ask us, we’re not sure what to tell you.
1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us exactly how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.
1. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.
1. ALL men see in only 16 colors (kind of like the Windows default settings). A peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.
1. If it itches, we will be most likely scratch it. We do that.
1. We are not mind readers and we never will be. Our lack of mind-reading ability is not proof of how little we care about you.
1. If we ask what is wrong and you say “nothing,” we will act like nothing’s wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.
1. If you ask a question you don’t want an answer to, expect an answer that you don’t want to hear.
1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine. Really.
1. Don’t ask us what we’re thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as sports or car tire rims or army tanks
1. Thank you for reading this; Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight, but did you know we really don’t mind that, it’s like camping.
